


Spring can really hang you up the most

by aces_low



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Awkward Conversations, Fluff, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Taking some wild swings at Haruki's film degree, The cafe is canon but it's technically, because we just haven't been told anything about it yet, in this house we love and respect Murata Ugetsu, only because we just don't know after chapter 29, we just don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 18:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21414766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aces_low/pseuds/aces_low
Summary: Oh, ya know, that guy you're still kind of in love with, and probably always will be in love with. You know him? You know the one, the one who I'll probably always compare myself to when it comes to my relationship with you. So, he keeps coming in to my cafe and I don’t know how to interact with him like a human being. But enough about me, how was your day?Murata Ugetsu becomes a new regular at the cafe Haruki works at.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki, Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 51
Kudos: 475





	Spring can really hang you up the most

**Author's Note:**

> This requires knowledge of what's happened in the manga up to the current chapter.  

> 
> I know that Ugetsu is more commonly referred to as Ugetsu and not Murata, I just couldn't justify it in my mind that Haruki would think of him as Ugetsu, he'd definitely refer to him as Murata. Hopefully it's not too jarring to read it with his family name used more often than his given name.  

> 
> As with everything I write, this is not beta-read. Proceed with caution.

“Welcome to-”

Haruki cuts himself off and quickly turns his back to the newest customers to enter the cafe. His rational mind tells him that whatever poor attempt this is to hide is only serving to draw more attention to himself. Unfortunately, the reaction had been entirely involuntary. Still, he can’t get himself to just turn back around and finish his greeting. He clenches his hands and teeth, but the most he can force out of himself is a quick peek behind his shoulder. Thankfully, it doesn’t look like either of the newcomers have even noticed him and his odd behavior.

He takes a deep breath and attempts to calm his racing heart. It’s not as though he has any co-workers here to do this job for him, it’ll only cause more issues if he doesn’t wait on them. 

Digging deep within for his inner strength - or whatever it is that Akihiko has assured him that he has - Haruki takes one last deep breath and turns back to face the counter.

The customers have found a seat at a far table, which gives Haruki some space to breathe, but he can’t help but wonder if the choice was intentional. They still seem preoccupied with each other, so Haruki doesn’t overthink too hard about their seat selection any more than he has to. Instead, he focuses his energy on trying to not outright stare at Murata Ugetsu.

Before he has to find even more courage within himself to walk across the cafe and take their orders, the man Murata came with, thankfully, makes his way up to the counter alone.

Haruki peeks a glimpse behind the man’s shoulder as he approaches, to see Murata slumped against the table, seemingly uninterested in the room around him. The man orders for both of them and Haruki just nods and gets to work, too afraid of what his voice might do if he tries to speak.

His hands shake as he works, but no major spills or accidents occur. 

The time between when they entered the cafe and when they finish their coffee couldn’t be more than a half an hour, but it’s the longest half an hour of Haruki’s life. When he doesn’t have to help customers he keeps his back turned away from the room and attempts to focus on anything other than his boyfriend’s ex.

Needless to say, Haruki doesn’t quite let out a breath until the door behind Murata Ugetsu and his companion closes. 

The incident gets pushed to the back of his mind by the time he arrives at band practice. Tonight is the night Akihiko and he are planning to tell Uenoyama and Mafuyu, and the anxiety from earlier is quickly overtaken by the anxiety from their confession. At least he doesn’t have to deal with this one alone.

Uenoyama’s stare is unamused and suspicious as they sit across from each other, Haruki attempting to pretend as though everything is normal. Akihiko is actually doing a good job of that, devouring his food as though that’s the only reason they’d come to their usual spot tonight.

“So…” Haruki starts when he can’t take Uenoyama’s glare any longer. It’s possible the boy wouldn’t be acting so suspicious if Haruki hadn’t been as adamant as he was about them needing to go out for dinner tonight, but he’s not sure how else he would have gotten them here otherwise. Uenoyama had been more than ready to call it a night.

Mafuyu looks over at him, and even Akihiko stops chewing quite so ravenously. Uenoyama crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his chin.

“So,” he starts again. “The thing is…” 

Suddenly, he feels the warm, comforting support of Akihiko’s leg pressed up against his own. He takes a deep breath and tries again.

“Akihiko and I-”

“It’s about time you told us,” Uenoyama cuts him off, slamming a fist down on the table.

Haruki jumps at the sudden movement and attempts to comprehend his words, apparently they hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he’d hoped.

“Are you mad because we didn’t ask your permission first?” Akihiko asks, amusement in his voice.

Uenoyama scoffs. “I’m not surprised that I’m the only one here who respects the band enough to run it by everyone first. But no, I’m annoyed that it’s taken so long for you both to finally own up to it. I’ve been waiting months for you to tell us.”

Haruki blinks at his words. “Months? It hasn’t been that long,” he assures them.

That makes Uenoyama’s scowl fade into a frown as he looks over to Mafuyu. “I thought you said…”

Mafuyu shakes his head. “I didn’t know for sure until Haruki-san and I spoke at the CAC show. But after that, things started to change. It wasn’t until I was the one who had to tell Haruki about Kaji-san’s violin competition that I knew for sure.”

Haruki’s heart skips a beat, remembering that night, he really should thank Mafuyu for dragging him out. Akihiko probably would still be working on his campaign to better himself and just confusing Haruki in the process, instead of them actually getting to be together.

“Violin competition?” Uenoyama’s irritated voice cuts through his thoughts.

“It was after you cut your hair that we first started to wonder,” Mafuyu ignores his boyfriend and continues on, and Haruki can feel Akihiko stiffen beside him. “But it was hard to tell what you were keeping from us and what you were keeping from each other.”

Haruki nearly chokes on his shock, but Mafuyu just shrugs, nonchalant as ever.

After a minute of silence among the four of them Haruki clears his throat.

“So…”

Uenoyama sighs, loud and resigned. “I’m not really in a position to give you guys hell for it, am I?”

Akihiko winks and Haruki feels lighter than he has all day.

Before he can settle in and actually eat, now that his stomach isn’t being twisted in knots, he notices Uenoyama frowning down at his drink.

“What is it?” 

“It’s just...are we all sure that we’re okay with...ya know, being one of those bands?” Uenoyama asks, gritting his teeth through it.

Haruki looks around at the others. Akihiko is chewing on his lip ring, but doesn’t appear to be deep in any kind of introspection. Mafuyu’s wide-eyed expression is unreadable. 

So, Haruki combs his hair back behind his ear and grins.

“At least if everything goes to hell we still have an opportunity to create our very own Rumours,” he jokes. 

Akihiko snorts a laugh beside him, but Uenoyama doesn’t seem as amused, probably by even the prospect of his and Mafuyu’s relationship crashing and burning. 

Mafuyu just looks on with that vague shine in his eyes, that Haruki has come to realize means he is listening just not quite comprehending. 

“Please tell me one of the CDs you gave him was Fleetwood Mac.” Haruki turns to look at Akihiko to see him shrug. 

“I’m sure I did.” 

“There are still a few I haven’t gotten to yet,” Mafuyu admits. 

“Look through the rest, if there’s no Fleetwood Mac let me know,” Akihiko offers before turning his focus back on the food in front of him.

Haruki is in the back when he hears someone enter the cafe. It’s been incredibly slow all morning, so he’s busying himself with inventory. 

As he walks out he smiles, only to realize the new customer isn’t waiting at the counter or a table, but has made their way to the bookshelf.

The smile falls when he sees who it is.

“Is it always empty around this time?” Murata asks, his eyes still on the bookshelf.

Haruki has to swallow to get his heart out of his throat, but it’s no use as all he is able to choke out is, “uh...it-uh.”

“I’m in the area often enough, but I’d never been in here until last week,” Murata continues, clearly unperturbed by Haruki’s non-answer, as he pulls a book from the shelf. “The coffee was really good, and I-”

The air in the room shifts, Haruki is sure of it, as Murata turns to face him, eyes widening a moment later. Haruki opens his mouth but has nothing to say, and is physically incapable of speaking now even if he wanted to.

It could be twenty minutes or twenty seconds that they stand staring at each other, but it’s only until the door opens again - a new group of people entering, bringing laughter and loud chattering along with them - that the tension is broken.

Murata raises his shoulders to his ears and mutters his order before quickly sitting down at the table he’d sat at last time.

Haruki gets to work, cursing himself for his inaction. He has no idea what he should do or say, but he’s pretty sure he should do or say something. 

Murata is gone in the time it takes for him to finish his coffee, leaving behind the unopened book he had selected earlier.

** Akihiko **  
_ what are you up to tonight? _

Haruki sighs as he reads Akihiko’s text one more time. 

There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Akihiko left things open ended, isn’t expecting anything of him, isn’t pushing him to make plans, but Haruki knows he wants to. And it’s not that he doesn’t want to see his boyfriend, of course he does, he just doesn’t think he has it in him tonight.

He’s already replayed every version of himself telling Akihiko about Ugetsu coming into the cafe and every scenario in his head ends in Akihiko saying something like “okay...and?” There’s no way of bringing it up without making things awkward, or making it feel like it’s a big deal. He doesn’t want Akihiko thinking he’s the jealous, paranoid type of boyfriend, who can’t even stand to be in the same room as Akihiko’s ex without falling to pieces. 

Even though that does seem to be the case right now.

The only way to play it off like it doesn’t bother him is to not bring it up at all. Unfortunately, Haruki has no idea how he’d spend a whole night with him and not reveal it. Akihiko has a tendency to just know when Haruki is not telling him something. 

It’s safer to keep some space between them, just to give himself time to process the situation and move on from it. He’s sure, with time, he’ll be able to act completely cool about the whole thing.

He’s sure of it.

** Haruki **  
_I’m beat from class and work. I think I’m gonna crash early tonight. _

Haruki sets his phone down and focuses on making dinner.

Once his food is cooking and doesn’t require his attention, he grabs his phone to see only one message.

** Akihiko**  
_ okay. Have a good night. _

A heaviness settles in his stomach, but he tries his best to ignore it as he heads back to the kitchen, looking for something else that can distract him.

He does just as he told Akihiko he would do and is in bed, attempting to sleep, far earlier than normal.

Unfortunately, for as tired as he is, the moment his head hit his pillow is the moment that all the thoughts that he’s been trying to push away come rushing in.

The main problem is they haven’t talked about it.

Akihiko hasn’t given him details, and Haruki hasn’t asked, mostly because he doesn’t want to push or pry into matters that Akihiko isn’t ready to talk about. But that means he has no idea how Akihiko feels about it, and doesn’t know how to ask without it possibly making things weird or strained between them. Things are still so new, and Haruki doesn’t want to ruin everything by being too intrusive.

There’s also the important detail that Haruki is a little nervous of what he is likely to learn. It’s all conjecture at this point, but he knows that they were together for years, and is pretty sure that the relationship was often contentious - though most likely also passionate - and the likelihood that they still love each other, in some way, is remarkably high. 

There’s also the matter that Murata Ugetsu is an actual genius musician. A trait that Akihiko undoubtedly respects and admires. 

It’s better for Haruki to not think about that specific detail too hard.

Haruki huffs as he throws an arm over his eyes. It was stupid of him to tell Akihiko not to come over, it’s clear he’s not going to be falling asleep anytime soon. Regardless of how tired his body is, his mind is much too busy for sleep.

He is just contemplating checking the time on his phone, to see if maybe texting Akihiko would look too desperate or not when a soft click from somewhere in his apartment catches his attention. Haruki holds his breath as he listens, and can hear the sounds of quiet shuffling. 

There is definitely something or someone in his home.

His heart begins to beat erratically as he looks around his room for a weapon. The hardest object he can find is an old textbook on his nightstand, so he grabs it as he slips out of bed and tiptoes his way to the door. 

Before he gets there though, it slides open. Haruki raises the book, getting ready to strike, but as soon as he sees who his intruder is, his arms fall.

“What are you doing here?” he demands from a wide-eyed Akihiko who is standing in his doorway. He brings the hand that isn’t holding his makeshift weapon up to cover his racing heart.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

Haruki stutters for a moment at the simple response. “I still think my question is the more valid topic here.” 

Akihiko shrugs. “I sleep better around you. I figured if you were just gonna be sleeping we could do that together.”

He lets out a shaky laugh before dropping his shoulders and shaking his head at his boyfriend in disbelief.

Once his heart rate has lowered to a manageable speed, he decides that this is a good thing, he had just been thinking about inviting him over, Akihiko just saved him a step and a long, drawn-out argument with himself over what he should and shouldn’t expect from his boyfriend.

“Yeah, okay,” he says simply, smiling when Akihiko grins triumphantly. 

He turns and walks back to set his book back down on the nightstand. When he turns back, it’s to find Akihiko pulling his shirt off, and Haruki quickly gets back into bed to distract himself from watching his boyfriend strip. He’s thankful for the darkness of the room, hiding his blush. It’s still early enough in their relationship that the sight of Akihiko’s body makes his skin hot. He can’t imagine that’ll change for a long time.

“Ya know, I’m actually glad you decided to come by,” he says as Akihiko crawls his way into Haruki’s bed. 

Akihiko just hums, wrapping his arms around Haruki’s middle and pulling him to lay down. 

As soon as their heads hit the pillow, Akihiko mutters out “goodnight.” 

“I’m awake, you know, we don’t have to sleep,” Haruki argues, turning in Akihiko’s arms to look at him. 

Akihiko keeps his eyes closed as he says, “nope, just came here for sleep.” 

Haruki stares in surprise for a moment before Akihiko opens one eye to look over at him. 

When he closes it again, tightening his hold, Haruki can’t help but smile, he shakes his head and settles himself down further. The thoughts that had been keeping him up earlier are, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be found.

He’s sure, after the disastrous interaction when Murata had come in that would be the last he saw of the guy in the cafe. 

And for nearly three weeks, he’d been right.

He has just gotten to the point where his guard is lowered, no longer worrying that he’s going to see the intimidating figure of his boyfriend’s ex in the cafe, when lo and behold, he walks in with the man he’d been with the first time.

Haruki fights the urge to whine and just lay down on the floor when, instead of choosing to sit at one of the tables, Murata’s companion sits down at one of the counter seats.

At least, from what Haruki can see as he attempts to pretend to be too busy to notice them, Murata seems about as unhappy with this choice as he feels.

Thankfully, for whatever reason, Haruki is feeling unusually bold and only has to psych himself up for half a minute, instead of a whole minute, before he makes his way over to his two newest customers.

“What can I get for you?” Haruki asks as he approaches, internally wincing at the unsteady sound of his voice.

Murata looks up at him, eyes widening as though he hadn’t expected to even be waited on. He stays silent for so long that the man he’d come with clears his throat before ordering for the both of them, sending Murata a side-eye as he speaks.

Haruki nods and quickly gets to work, happy to be able to put some distance between them.

He keeps himself as busy as he possibly can as they sit at the counter, drinking their coffee and talking. But he can’t quite ignore the itchy feeling at the back of his neck that keeps the hair along his skin raised.

It isn’t until he overhears the man ask Murata outright if he knows the barista, as he keeps looking at him, that Haruki knows it hasn’t all been in his head.

“I-no, I don’t know him.” 

They leave not long after.

A week later, it happens again.

Only, this time, it’s just Murata who walks in. Which is surprising to Haruki, who’d just assumed he’d been dragged to the cafe by his...partner? Friend? Classmate? Whatever the man is to Murata, he’s apparently not the reason he is in the cafe again.

Haruki holds his breath as Murata walks to the counter, holding his chin high. In a soft, but polite voice, he orders his coffee, then quickly makes his way over to the bookshelf. 

He gives Haruki a short “thank you” when he brings him his coffee, then immediately turns his eyes back to his book.

Even with the determination Haruki can sense off of him, Murata leaves not long after he’s finished his drink. Haruki is almost positive he only saw him turn the page of the book once.

It’s only a day later that Murata walks in again, and at this point, Haruki is more tired than anxious anymore. He has no idea what to make of Murata Ugetsu, or how to interact with him, and he has no idea if he keeps coming in just to see how long it takes for Haruki to collapse under the weight of his own anxiety. 

The next time Murata comes in, two days after that, he is the least of Haruki’s worries. His stance is rigid and his chin is still held aloft, but his tone is polite, if slightly stilted, when he orders. If Haruki wasn’t so busy dealing with his other customers, he might be concerned with Murata’s choice of sitting at the counter.

As it is, the other man sitting at the counter, yelling and laughing obnoxiously into his phone, and the other patrons, angrily scowling because Haruki has not done anything about it yet, are the things fraying his nerves today. 

He can only be anxious about so many things at one time.

After the third complaint he’s received about the noise and behavior of the customer, Haruki knows he has to do something.

“Excuse me, sir, could you please-”

“I’m on the phone,” the man says, holding the phone away from his ear as he sneers at Haruki.

“I know that, but your conversation is disturbing the other customers. If you could, either go outside to finish your conversation, or-”

“Where does it say I can’t talk on the phone in here?” the man interrupts him again.

Haruki can feel the flush on his face already. It’s not that he’s not used to dealing with difficult customers, he’s had plenty of part-time jobs in his life, most of them retail. But it never really gets any easier.

“It’s not that you’re not allowed to be on you phone, sir. It’s-”

This time, another voice interrupts him.

“It’s that, clearly you want everyone in here to think that you’re an interesting person,” Murata chimes in, voice mocking and steady. “But the more you speak, the more we can all tell that you’re not.”

Haruki can’t help but let out a few snickering laughs before he has the presence of mind to clap a hand over his mouth. Thankfully, the man’s attention is focused solely on Murata, so he hadn’t even noticed Haruki’s unprofessionalism.

The man sputters in indignation, but the rest of the customers throw in their less forceful agreement. 

And as quickly as Murata had shut him up, the man stomps out, his forgotten phone hanging limply in his hand.

As the man leaves, Haruki looks over to Murata, who rolls his eyes and grins for only a moment, before he seems to realize who he’s attempting to commiserate with. Both of their eyes widen as they meet again, before Murata looks down and Haruki turns away, hoping to find another customer in need of his attention.

It’s only a few minutes later, when he’s so engrossed in making a new drink that he doesn’t even notice, that Murata slips out.

Murata enters the cafe almost tentatively. His chin is no longer raised and his eyes are no longer hard and determined. There’s no air of defiance in his stance, in fact, his shoulders are slumped and he hides behind his hair as he orders his coffee.

He doesn’t grab a book from the shelf, and doesn’t stay longer than it takes for him to finish his drink.

Haruki frowns as he watches him walk out, wondering if he should be putting more of an effort into reaching out.

He just has no idea what he would even say.

“So, how are things going?” Yatake asks before taking a sip of his drink.

It’s been almost a month since Haruki helped Yatake out with his music video and he can’t even remember how long it’s been since just the two of them spent time together, without significant others or projects involved.

Haruki grins. “Things are great. Mafuyu and Uecchi are working on another song, pretty soon Given will have enough songs for an album.”

Yatake’s smile is small but warm as he sets his cup down. “That’s great, but I meant more with you and Kaji-san.”

“Oh.” Haruki shouldn’t be surprised by his friend’s straightforward approach, Yatake is rarely interested in ambiguity. “Things are going well there too.”

He knows that the heat on his face is giving him away, he doesn’t need Yatake’s raised eyebrow to know he doesn’t sound convincing.

His shoulders slump. “Things _are_ going well. Akihiko is sweet and fun and...hot. God, Take-chan, he’s so hot.”

Yatake shakes with his laughter, and Haruki drops his head into one of his hands.

“Then what’s the problem?” Yatake asks, once his laughter has subsided.

Haruki sighs. “It’s not a problem, really. It’s just…”

After a full minute of silence between them, as Haruki struggles to find words for why things are off, Yatake sits up straight and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Haru-chan, you’re not a bad person for not being completely happy. It’s not selfish or whatever it is you’re telling yourself up here,” he says, moving his hand up to poke at Haruki’s forehead.

Haruki’s eyes widen. “Wow, Take-chan, I didn’t realize you were so insightful.”

Yatake’s eyes narrow but instead of arguing he just circles his fingers in the air, letting Haruki know that he’s still expecting a response to his earlier question.

“How do you feel about Yayoi’s exes?” Haruki asks instead, as he still doesn’t quite have the words.

Yatake just blinks at him for a few moments, clearly caught off guard by the subject change.

Suddenly, Haruki can see a blush begin to rise up across his face.

“Uh, do you mean Kaji-san, or all of her exes?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

Haruki shrugs. “All of them, I guess.”

He sighs then, knowing if he’s not more clear they’ll just end up talking in circles all night.

“But...is there one in particular that you ever think that one day, out of nowhere, she’ll tell you that she’s going back to him? And there’ll be nothing you can do to stop it, because you know you’ll never compare? And the only thing that’s keeping it from happening right now is something that you don’t know enough about, so you feel like everything is out of your control?”

Yatake’s eyes are wide and darting across Haruki’s face, and his mouth hangs open slightly.

“Is...D-do you have have any worries like that?” Haruki asks, tucking some hair behind his ear.

“No, Haruki, thankfully, I don’t,” Yatake says softly. “You need to talk to Kaji-san.”

Haruki shakes his head, stomach churning just at the thought of bringing up Ugetsu out of nowhere.

Yatake sighs, but Haruki just continues to shake his head.

“Everything is going really well right now. Seriously, it’s everything I ever wanted it to be. All of that, it’s all in my head, right now. All that happens, if I bring it out into the open...that’s just one step closer to me pushing him away.”

“Not telling him will also push him away.”

Haruki takes a big drink, before placing his empty cup down on the table.

“Should we order more?” he asks, unwilling to continue this conversation any longer.

Yatake watches him for a moment before letting out a deep sigh.

“Sure, one more round.”

It’s a week later, when Murata walks back in to the cafe, looking worn out in a different way than the last time Haruki had seen him. He’s moving slower, as though the coffee he’s ordering is a genuine need, not just an indulgence. 

Haruki also thinks that maybe he looks thinner, but that could be in his head.

He’d heard the news, earlier that day, about Murata Ugetsu winning some competition in America. From what he remembers of the announcement, it couldn’t have been more than two days ago that the competition had even occurred. 

Haruki hasn’t travelled much in his life, but he knows that jet lag can be a bitch.

He grabs a couple small containers before heading over to the table Murata has chosen for today.

Murata looks up, surprised, when he sees the contents in front of him.

Haruki’s face heats up when his eyes land on him, and he tucks some hair behind his ear.

“Uh, you looked like you could use some food. N-not that you look bad,” he quickly attempts to backtrack, raising his arms up in front of him. “I just thought...you could do with a meal.”

Murata looks back down at the food that’s been placed in front of him and Haruki lets out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Right, uh, we don’t really serve food here, so...obviously you should eat a proper meal. But, I thought that while you’re here you could eat. Or something. You don’t have to.”

He looks down at the small bowls containing cherries and olives that he’s set in front of Murata and kind of wants to melt into the floor, realizing now how ridiculous he looks, trying to feed someone drink garnishes.

“I’m sorry. I-uh, just...congratulations,” he quickly turns on his heel and walks behind the corner to hide his burning face in shame. 

Eventually, Haruki has to come out of hiding to help other customers, but keeps his eyes from looking over at Murata until it’s clear he has finished his drink.

He’s surprised to find all the cherries and olives gone when he goes to grab his empty cup. And startles slightly, when he feels a hand reach out to touch his wrist.

“Thank you,” Murata says in a soft voice.

Haruki’s eyes widen, but they don’t meet Murata’s, who keeps his head lowered to the table.

He hears the sound of the door closing as he places the dishes in the sink.

“How’s the new song going, Mafuyu?” Haruki asks before taking a sip of water.

They’ve been practicing hard for the past hour, and Mafuyu’s skill at the guitar, at least on ‘A Winter Story’, has greatly improved since their first showing.

“Um,” Mafuyu starts, before his wide eyes move over to Uenoyama, who is wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“The refrain is basically done,” Uenoyama answers. “He’s still a little unsure about a line, but other than that it’s good. And part of the first verse is complete.”

Haruki quirks an eyebrow up. “Thank you for the insight, Mafuyu.”

Uenoyama scowls, but Mafuyu just blinks up at him.

“Uenoyama-kun wanted to be involved.”

“I’m the one that writes most of the music, it makes sense that I get to be included with the lyrics,” Uenoyama argues.

“I just hope you’re not being too controlling,” Haruki says with a shrug. 

He’s mostly joking, but the fact is, he does worry sometimes for Mafuyu. He knows that Uenoyama is a good kid, but Mafuyu has had a tough past - not that Haruki knows any specifics - and hopes Uenoyama doesn’t push him too far with his intensity.

Uenoyama sputters at the accusation, but it’s Mafuyu who speaks up.

“Ritsuka isn’t controlling,” Mafuyu says evenly. “He just doesn’t want to be left out. We’ve talked about it.”

Haruki’s eyes find Akihiko’s across the room, who raises his eyebrows in approval at the young couple.

Nobody else says anything after that, other than to comment on how red Uenoyama’s face has gotten.

There’s a new man with Murata the next time he comes to the cafe.

They sit together at the counter and talk in low voices that Haruki tries desperately to not listen to.

After only a few minutes, the man’s phone rings and he heads outside to take the call.

Haruki busies himself, trying to make it clear that he hadn’t been eavesdropping on them. Even though it’s a little hard to do, as they are the only people in the cafe at the moment.

After a few minutes of silence, Murata clears his throat.

“I don’t know your name,” his soft, almost melodic voice floats over from the end of the bar.

Haruki’s head whips around to look over at him, eyes widening and heart speeding up at this potential for actual conversation Murata has just created.

He struggles to find his voice for a moment, before he chokes out a stuttered, “m-my name?”

Murata nods.

“N-nakayama Haruki,” he answers.

Is it possible that Murata actually has no idea who he is? Has all of this tension actually been one-sided and Haruki has just been imagining it all?

“Ah,” Murata starts, pushing some hair away from his face. “That’s right. I do remember that name now. I’ve been too embarrassed to ask Sato-kun.”

Haruki is stunned by the mention of Mafuyu, as well as Murata’s admission.

“I-you...you don’t have to be embarrassed.” It’s the only thing Haruki can think to say.

He feels his face warm up at his pathetic attempt to reassure a man that Haruki could easily drive himself crazy over comparing himself to, if he allowed himself to think about him for longer than a minute at a time. 

Murata just blinks at him, clearly not having anticipated such an odd response. 

Before either of them can say anything else, the door opens and the man walks back in.

“You ready to go?” he asks Murata.

Murata nods and takes his hand. They walk out together, but not before Murata lifts a hand in a gesture of goodbye to Haruki. 

Haruki doesn’t have time to get over his shock, to send a wave back, before the door closes behind the two men.

Murata comes alone the next day. He sits at a table and reads a book from the shelf as he sips his coffee.

And there is a noticeable lack of tension in the air.

Haruki knows they must have turned a corner. He doesn’t know exactly why or how, or even what it means, but the feeling that something could snap or break at any moment is gone.

He doesn’t miss it.

They don’t interact much, other than as standard barista and customer, but it still feels nice to be in the same room as Murata and not feel like he wants to die.

And this time, when he leaves, sending him another goodbye wave, Harukis is able to send one back.

Akihiko hums in approval as Haruki digs his thumbs into his palms.

Haruki massages Akihiko’s hands for a few minutes, grinning at the blissed out look on his boyfriend’s face. 

“How often do you stretch your shoulders?”

He doesn’t know how Akihiko does it, he practices both the violin and drums every single day. The amount of tension from his shoulders to his fingers has to be painful.

Akihiko just grunts, clearly unwilling to admit that Haruki was right when he first suggested the massage. Though the grunt turns quickly into a sigh as Haruki moves down to his fingers.

“You musicians don’t spend enough time taking care of your hands,” Haruki muses, slowly stretching Akihiko’s fingers, watching his face for any signs of discomfort, but only sees a small smile. “Aya-chan loved that too.”

“Mm,” Akihiko hums, but opens his eyes.

Haruki frowns, realizing what he’s just said, his hands stop their movements that had been making their way up Akihiko’s arms.

“Why’d you stop?”

“I-Sorry, did that make you uncomfortable?”

Akihiko narrows his eyes at him, before reaching up with the hand that Haruki has been neglecting, to curl his finger around a lock of hair.

“No,” he answers simply.

Haruki nods, reminding himself that not everyone goes as crazy as he does about their significant other’s exes. Not that his old girlfriend is anyone Akihiko would ever need to worry about.

“It’s a little surprising I guess,” Akihiko suddenly adds.

“Surprising?” 

Akihiko shrugs but doesn’t elaborate. 

“Surprising that I’ve dated people?” he asks, letting go of Akihiko’s arm and sitting up fully now. 

Akihiko follows him up slowly. 

“Hm, I guess so.” 

Haruki starts to sputter in justified indignation. 

“I mean, sure, no, I haven’t dated a bunch, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had any luck with finding someone to be interested in me,” he argues, pushing at Akihiko’s shoulder lightly. 

Akihiko quickly grabs his hand and pulls him in, attempting to kiss him, but Haruki squirms enough against his hold that he can only manage to land a kiss to his cheek. 

“Of course people are interested in you. Who wouldn’t be?” 

“Well then what’s so surprising?” he asks with a scowl.

Akihiko shrugs. “You blush more than a virgin.” 

Haruki begins sputtering again and has to cover his face to hide the traitorous blush that has bloomed. He can feel Akihiko’s laughter against his arm. 

“You are more than aware that I’m not a virgin,” he reminds him, once he’s calmed down. 

“I know,” Akihiko says, pulling Haruki’s hands away from his face and is finally able to press a kiss to his lips. “The fact that you blush every time. It’s my favorite thing.” 

This time, Haruki hides his blush in Akihiko’s neck.

The man is with Murata again when he comes in, but he only stays long enough to quickly drink his coffee. Then, with a kiss to Murata’s cheek, he leaves. 

It’s quiet between them for a few minutes before he hears, “you make really good coffee.” 

Haruki is startled out of his daydream. 

“Huh? Oh, uh, uh th-thank you,” he stutters out. “I’m glad you like it.” 

Murata’s smile is wry as his eyes study Haruki for a moment. 

“It really annoyed me at first. Still does if I’m being completely honest.” 

“I…” Haruki doesn’t really know what to say to that. 

“It’s not just the cafe either. I’ve come here when you’re not working, and it’s not as good.” 

Murata sends something like a playful pout his way and Haruki can feel the warmth in his cheeks at the compliment. 

“Thank you,” he says again, hearing the tell-tale tightening of his throat that warns him that he’s close to falling into an embarrassment spiral if Murata says one more nice thing to him. 

Murata studies his face for a minute before he sighs and his shoulders sag, letting his chin rest against one hand, while the other points at Haruki’s face. 

“You have a very cute blush,” Murata says, bluntly. “That sort of annoys me too.” 

Haruki’s hands fly up to cover his burning face and he turns to hide himself even more. 

“S-sorry,” he grits out through his teeth and through his hands. 

He knows that’s not the sort of thing he should be apologizing for, but it’s possible he owes Murata some kind of apology for something, it may as well be for annoying him. 

After a few seconds he hears Murata chuckle. It doesn’t sound like a bitter or mocking laugh, it sounds genuine and amused, so Haruki chances a look back to see that Murata isn’t glaring at his annoying blush, he isn’t watching him with disdain or derision, he’s studying Haruki with a hint of a smile brushing his lips. 

The fingers combing through his hair suddenly stop, as Akihiko begins tugging on Haruki’s ear. 

“Why don’t you ever wear your earrings?” he asks, letting his thumb rub against the soft skin for a moment before his fingers return to their combing. 

“I do, sometimes,” Haruki responds, slightly distracted as he reads over the scene that one of his classmates had given him today, in hopes that Haruki would be able to help them with it.

Akihiko presses his lips to the back of his neck, finally pushing Haruki to shift his attention onto him instead of the papers in front of him. 

“I remember you wearing an earring sometimes when the band first started, but it wasn’t very often, and I can’t remember the last time I saw you wear one.” 

“I-” Haruki stops, reaching up to his ear, trying to remember himself. 

“I guess it has been a while,” he admits. “The cafe doesn’t like piercings, and when I was growing my hair out, it’d get caught, so they felt more like a hassle than they were worth.”

Akihiko hums, running his hands through his hair again, but doesn’t say anything. Despite his continued fascination with touching Haruki’s hair, when the subject of it comes up, particularly having to do with when he’d been growing it out, Akihiko stays silent. 

Haruki doesn’t even want to know what kind of reaction he’d have if he even mentioned the fact that he’d cut it. Not that he’d need to, neither of them have that poor of a memory. 

It’s probably something they’ll need to address at some point. As solid as Haruki has been feeling about their relationship lately, he knows that they can never really thrive when there are things that they just can’t talk about. 

_ Like how Ugetsu keeps coming into the cafe and you’ve decided to never mention that fact to him _, Haruki’s traitorous mind decides to remind him. 

He sighs and leans back into Akihiko’s slowly tightening embrace. They don’t need to talk about his piercings or his hair or the cafe anymore tonight. 

Haruki turns to capture Akihiko’s lips with his own, letting the conversation end there, for now.

“Congratulations,” Haruki says as he sets Murata’s coffee down in front of him.

There had been an announcement yesterday about Murata Ugetsu winning another competition and Haruki knew that the next time he saw him he’d have to say something.

Since Murata had put himself out there so much last time, he figures it’s his turn to return the favor.

“Do you compete a lot?” he asks clumsily, feeling awkward now that he doesn’t actually have an excuse to be standing in front of Murata except to talk.

Murata’s eyes widen, whether by the question or the fact that Haruki even knows about it, he can’t be sure.

“No,” Murata responds, once he gets over the surprise. “I would prefer to just play than compete against others. Though...sometimes it’s nice to be able to have a good idea of where I stand.”

Haruki nods, understanding what he means. Though he can imagine if he were as good as Murata Ugetsu, he’d love to be able to show the world. Competitions probably give him more of an opportunity to do just that.

He’s just about to walk away and leave him alone, when Murata stops him.

“What instruments do you play?”

Haruki startles at that, but collects himself enough to answer.

“I play bass.” 

Murata rolls his eyes. “Not just for your band, I meant in general.” 

“Oh, uh, I guess I can play guitar, but the bass is really the only thing I’m actually confident in,” he admits, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Murata doesn’t respond, but his eyes narrow, taking in Haruki’s words as though they mean something more than what he’s said.

“It’s coming along nicely,” Haruki says to Uenoyama as they wait for Akihiko and Mafuyu to return with the drinks they went to get everyone.

Uenoyama had finally relented and agreed that the music was as perfect as it could be without Haruki and Akihiko’s input. Both have added their own parts and made suggestions to the song as a whole. It’s only their first night playing the song all the way through, but for how new it is, Haruki feels good about it.

He only receives a distracted hum from Uenoyama, who is more focused on tightening a few of the strings on his guitar.

Haruki sighs and begins tapping out a random beat against his thigh, now regretting not just going out for a smoke break. He usually prefers to take those breaks with Akihiko, but with how quiet Uenoyama has been tonight, he feels like he’d pulled the short straw being left alone with him.

“Are you still writing the lyrics with Mafuyu?” Haruki asks after another two minutes of silence.

Uenoyama finally looks up at him, his eyes narrowed. “I’m not writing it at all. Mafuyu is a perfectly capable lyricist. He doesn’t need me for that.”

Haruki frowns. “I thought you two said you were working on it together?”

“I’ve just been having him talk to me when he’s stuck, or suggesting different things when he’s unsure of a line. I don’t...I couldn’t even begin to write about the things he can write about.”

Uenoyama looks back down to his guitar with a scowl and Haruki is now sure that he should have just gone for that smoke break.

Still though, he can’t just leave it there. If practice is off the rest of the night because of Uenoyama’s sour attitude, Haruki will feel as though he’s at least partially to blame.

“Do you mean because of…” Haruki trails off, not sure that he can be as blunt as Mafuyu had been when he’d referenced his ‘dead boyfriend’.

“Yuki?” Uenoyama asks, staring straight into Haruki’s eyes with a look he can’t even begin to translate.

Haruki shrugs. He doesn’t know the boy’s name, hasn’t been told anything more than the small bits and pieces Mafuyu has revealed as though they were nothing more than random facts about his life. 

It’s not as though Mafuyu has a tendency to confide in him. In fact, in a surprising turn that Haruki had not foreseen when Uenoyama had first started bringing Mafuyu around, it’s Akihiko who seems to have a special connection to the kid.

Maybe Akihiko knows more about his past. Or maybe, one of the reasons Mafuyu had gravitated more toward Akihiko than Haruki was because Akihiko probably doesn’t ask a lot of questions. He’s much better as letting things just be. Whereas Haruki always feels as though he needs to pry, needs to get people talking. 

Like now.

“Is that...does it bother you?” he struggles to word his question as respectfully as he can.

It’s not that he wants to bring relationship issues into their studio space, and for the most part, they’ve all done a good job of keeping their practice time completely devoid of relationship talk, but he also really doesn’t want another situation where nobody says anything for long enough that they’re all pulled tight enough to snap.

Instead of glaring, or telling Haruki to mind his business, Uenoyama just sighs.

“No. Or, well...not really. On days when I’m questioning everything it gets to me a little. Knowing that there will always be this other person with him, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. But most days, I just don’t want him to hurt so much. He gets that look in his eyes and I just...I just don’t want him to be alone with it. There’s not much I can do about it though, except to talk to him and listen when he talks to me. It’s like you said once, music and relationships, they’re all about communication.”

Haruki’s eyes widen as he listens to Uenoyama speak and he clutches a hand to his chest.

“Uecchi is so cool and mature,” he howls. 

Uenoyama’s face reddens at Haruki’s teasing, but very true comment.

Mafuyu and Akihiko return to find Haruki folded over in laughter as Uenoyama yells on about how much cooler he is than him.

“Are you a music student?” Murata asks as he plays with the handle of his coffee cup.

The cafe is empty, save for the two of them, and Haruki nearly laughs as he thinks about the torture this situation would have been for them just a few weeks ago. Now, it feels almost normal.

“Film, actually,” he says, as he continues to restock the lemon jar.

He stops when he notices that his response seems to have startled Murata.

“Y-you make films?” 

Haruki tucks his hair behind his ear and shrugs. “Only short films and projects so far, nothing big or notable. I’ve helped out with some of the films that my classmates have made for contests.”

Murata’s eyes seem to almost light up at his words and Haruki is baffled. For a world renowned violinist, Murata looks surprisingly interested in the fact that he’s a student film maker. 

“What do you want to do in film? Editing? Cinematography? Graphics? Sound editing? Uh...directing? I guess I don’t know too many film jobs, but I’m sure there are a lot.”

That makes Haruki pause. He loves film making, loves the collaborative environment that is required, loves being a part of a bigger team creating something together. He doesn’t mind being in charge, never struggled with the leadership position in the few small projects he directed. But he’s found, more often than not, he excels working on other’s projects more than having his own that he has any desire to push forward. It’s similar to Given. First, with Uenoyama and now with Mafuyu. He’s happy to help them turn the music in their head into something real, but he’s less likely to be burdened with ideas and dreams that have to get out before he can sleep at night. 

But just knowing that about himself has never really helped him express that desire. People always assume he wants to be a director when he tells them he’s a filmmaker. 

“I guess, to be honest, I want to be able to do it all. So that I can help other people turn their ideas and visions into something real, ya know?”

Murata just stares at him for a long moment before taking a sip of his coffee. He looks as though he’s putting a lot of thought into Haruki’s words.

Haruki turns back to the lemons, trying to ignore the blush rising up from his neck and wondering why he’d decided to share that about himself with Murata Ugetsu of all people.

Ugetsu's next visit is much the same as his last, though without any revealing personal truths being shared. Except, as he leaves, a figure passes him in the doorway.

“Take-chan!” Haruki greets his friend as he waves goodbye to Ugetsu. 

Yatake begins to greet him in return when his eyes catch sight of Ugetsu. They widen, and he quickly turns and follows him outside without a word. Haruki’s brow furrows as he watches the exchange through the window, but can’t hear what’s being said. 

Thankfully, it doesn’t look too bad, as Ugetsu goes from looking startled at Yatake’s approach, to a small grin stretching across his face. He sees Yatake hand something to Ugetsu, who takes it with a nod and the two part ways. 

Yatake walks back in, a large smile on his face. 

“What was that about?” Haruki asks as Yatake takes his usual seat. 

“Do you know who that was?” Yatake ignores him, pointing to the door. 

“Yes.” 

“That was Murata Ugetsu.” 

“I’m aware.” 

“He’s a student at our school, and one of the world’s best violinists.” 

“Take-chan, I know who he is, what did you want with him?” 

“Oh, well, I’ve been wanting to expand my portfolio,” Yatake explains. “All the music videos I’ve directed have been for rock bands. I want to be able to prove that I can showcase other kinds of music. So, when I saw him, I figured it’s worth a shot. It’d be pretty impressive to be able to say I filmed Murata Ugetsu. I gave him my information, and told him to email or call if he was interested.” 

Haruki slumps against the counter to look at his friend with something akin to awe in his mind.

“You really are something else, Take-chan.” 

Yatake just grins. 

“Iced coffee?” Haruki asks, remembering he’s still working. 

“Sounds perfect.” 

Haruki nods and gets to work, but after less than a minute Yatake speaks up again. 

“Is he a regular here?” 

Haruki hums in assent. 

“And you two talk?” 

Haruki frowns and turns around to look at his friend, already sure he knows where this line of questioning is headed. 

“Do you think you could put in a good word for me? Just mention-” 

“He’s Akihiko’s ex,” Haruki cuts him off. 

Things with Ugetsu have been much less tense as of late, but he’s not really comfortable pushing past the tentative, friendly interactions they’ve been able to come up with. 

Yatake’s eyes widen, he turns to look at the door and then back at Haruki. 

“He-he’s…” he looks once more at the door and then back to Haruki before his widened eyes become softer, understanding dawning behind them. 

“Oh,” is all he ends up saying, because of course he knows that when Haruki says he’s his ex, he doesn’t just mean that Ugetsu is an ex, but _the_ ex. 

Haruki quickly turns back to making coffee as Yatake clears his throat. He only turns back to look at him once he’s finished with his drink to find Yatake grimacing. 

“Am I a bad friend if I still want to work with him?” Yatake asks taking his drink. 

Haruki can’t help but laugh. “Of course not.” 

“Okay,” Yatake says, but still looks on warily. 

Haruki sighs, “we actually get along pretty well. I only see him here, but as a person, he’s…”

Haruki trails off, not really knowing what he’d call Ugetsu. He’s not exactly sweet, but he’s not as arrogant or stuck up as one might think a world-renowned musician might be. He can’t imagine things between them will ever be more than the friendly, but reserved conversations they have with a cafe counter between them. Which is fine with Haruki, it’s more than he ever could have hoped for when Ugetsu had first walked into the cafe. 

Yatake is looking at him, probably waiting on him to finish his thought, but Haruki just shakes his head and shrugs. 

“I hope that you’re able to work with him. I think the two of you could make a really cool showcase,” he tells Yatake, truthfully.

Haruki is regailing Ugetsu in a story about when he first started working at the cafe and was still learning the machines. He’s just gotten to the part where he’d covered the floor in slightly foamy milk when the sound of the door alerts him to a new customer. 

Ugetsu’s shoulders are still shaking in his laughter as Haruki looks over at the door to welcome his newest customer, but he stops dead when he sees Akihiko staring wide-eyed at them. 

Haruki can no longer hear Ugetsu’s laugh, but he can’t be sure if that’s because he’s stopped, or because his heartbeat is drowning out everything else. 

He stands there completely dumbfounded as to what to do. His sense of time is completely gone, and he has no idea how long they stand there staring at each other before Akihiko finally picks up his feet and sits down, two seats away from Ugetsu. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Haruki asks, then flinches at his tone. 

Akihiko raises an eyebrow. “I came to visit you after my practice.” 

Any other day, this would make Haruki smile, maybe even blush just a little at his boyfriend wanting to see him. Instead, this is happening today, and instead of feeling any sort of fondness for the sweet gesture, Haruki’s head snaps over to Ugetsu, who is not looking at either of them, his eyes are narrowed on a point that Haruki cannot see. 

“I-uh, I…” Haruki fumbles for words before quickly turning around, unable to look at either Akihiko or Ugetsu right now. 

“Do you want coffee?” he’s finally able to choke out. 

“Sure,” Akihiko replies simply. 

Haruki is thankful for the distraction of busying himself with coffee, but it’s not enough of a distraction for him to miss Akihiko’s low voice. 

“How are you?” he asks, and Haruki doesn’t have to turn around to know the question is not being directed to him. 

His hand clenches around the handle of the portafilter, just like the walls of his chest have clenched around his heart. 

He doesn’t hear more than a hum from Ugetsu, but it doesn’t sound dismissive. 

“Do you...have you come here before?” Akihiko asks, voice still low, though not low enough that he could possibly think Haruki can’t hear him. 

Ugetsu hums again. 

“Haru-san makes my favorite coffee,” he says brazenly. 

The grip on the cup in Haruki’s hand falters but it isn’t until it’s on the floor, smashed into large pieces, that Haruki realizes what’s happened. 

He looks up, wide-eyed, at the two people at the counter. Akihiko’s eyes are wide and even Ugetsu has a small, surprised look gracing his otherwise placid features. 

“I-” 

“Are you okay?” Akihiko asks, but Haruki is too shaken up to really hear him. 

“I’m sorry, it didn’t hit either of you, did it?” 

Both of them shake their heads and Haruki nods. 

“I’ll be right back, just need to grab a broom.” 

He runs to the back before either can respond. 

Once hidden away by the privacy of the closet, Haruki takes a moment to catch his breath. He’s not sure why it never occurred to him that this could happen. He tries to shake out his trembling hands, but he only has so much time he can spend hiding in here before Akihiko comes looking for him, probably. 

After finding the broom and dustpan, Haruki allows himself another 30 seconds to take in deep breaths to calm his racing heart before forcing himself back out into the shop. 

“- you, at all.” 

He catches the tail-end of Ugetsu’s muttered words to Akihiko but doesn’t look at either of them, instead keeps his gaze on the ceramic pieces scattered across the floor. He can feel both of their eyes on him as he works, and the silence feels almost painful, knowing that they’ve stopped their conversation in his presence. He sweeps up the pieces as fast as he can before quickly moving back to grab a new cup to pour Akihiko’s coffee into. 

“Sorry, again,” he offers as he gently sets Akihiko’s drink down in front of him. 

Akihiko’s hand brushes against his, but Haruki quickly pulls his hand back before Akihiko can grab it. 

He finally looks up to meet Akihiko’s startled eyes. But before either of them can say anything the front door opens and Haruki whips his head over to the door. 

“W-welcome,” he greets the newcomers, happy to have other people to focus his attention on.

He keeps his eyes and ears pointedly away from Akihiko and Ugetsu as he makes his customer’s orders. By the time he’s done, another new person has arrived and he’s genuinely busy enough that it makes his deliberate avoidance much easier. 

It’s only when all his customers have been taken care of that he realizes Akihiko is no longer at his seat. He looks back toward the door just in time to see Akihiko opening it. 

“Oh, b-bye,” he’s barely able to get the words out in time before, with a short wave thrown behind him, Akihiko is gone. 

His stomach sinks, but he isn’t able to dwell too long on it as, a moment later, a customer approaches the counter. Things remain steady for the next half hour, and Haruki barely has time to steal a glance at Ugetsu, who has begun reading the book he’d grabbed from the shelf earlier. 

Once things calm down again, he offers Ugetsu a refill, who agrees happily. 

“I wonder if milk or glass is harder to clean up,” Ugetsu ponders almost dreamily as Haruki pours his coffee. 

It takes several long moments before his words sink in and Haruki nearly barks out a laugh that’s bubbled it’s way up from his chest. Ugetsu’s grin is knowing, but his gaze never leaves the book in his hands. 

Haruki isn’t surprised to see Akihiko’s bike outside his apartment when he gets home that night. What does surprise him, is to see Akihiko sitting in the stairwell.

“What are you doing out here?” he asks as he makes his way up the stairs.

As he approaches, Akihiko stands, moving to let him pass.

“Was waiting for you.”

“Did you lose your key?”

Akihiko just shakes his head, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

If today had been any other day, Haruki would probably have shrugged off Akihiko’s behavior as just another quirk of his boyfriends. But today hadn’t been a normal day, and now Haruki can feel the anxiety that’s been building all afternoon settle like a rock in his stomach.

He swallows through the lump in his throat as he unlocks his front door. 

Akihiko follows him inside, stopping in the middle of the living room when he does.

“Have you had dinner yet?” Haruki asks, tucking his hair behind his ear as he tries to rein in his rapidly deteriorating nerves.

“I ate,” Akihiko replies simply.

Haruki nods, glancing at the kitchen forlornly, no longer having an excuse to keep himself occupied.

Suddenly, he feels a sharp jab against his ribs. He yelps and wraps a hand around his side, finally meeting Akihiko’s eyes for the first time tonight.

“What was that for?” 

“Why are you nervous?” Akihiko asks, bypassing Haruki’s own question.

Haruki scowls, rubbing at his side for another moment.

“I’m not nervous,” he says, turning away so Akihiko can’t see his face as he lies through his teeth.

Akihiko hums, clearly not liking or believing that response.

Haruki sighs, knowing they’ll have to talk about it eventually, it’s ridiculous to keep putting it off like this. He braces himself for a moment before turning to look at Akihiko again.

“Are you mad?”

Akihiko’s eyebrows raise. “About what?”

“That I didn’t tell you. About...about how he comes to the cafe?”

He can feel his heartbeat in his chest. It’s not particularly fast, but the strength of it refuses to be ignored. Akihiko’s eyebrows lower as he folds his arms across his chest.

“I’m mostly confused. Why did you decide not to tell me?”

“It wasn’t really a decision to not tell you, I mostly just couldn’t figure out how to tell you.”

“How to tell me?” Akihiko asks, narrowing his eyes.

Haruki huffs out a frustrated breath.

“What was I supposed to say? ‘Your ex came in today and it was awkward’?”

Akihiko shrugs. “Sure, what’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know,” Haruki admits, shoulders slumping. “It felt like a bigger thing to say at the time. And then he kept coming in and it became harder and harder to say anything. To the point that it had tipped over into the bigger thing was that I was keeping a secret from you.”

“Were you?”

“What?”

“Keeping a secret from me?”

Haruki frowns. “That Ugetsu was coming into the cafe?”

“Is that the secret you were keeping from me?”

“I don’t understand what-“

Akihiko grabs his arm and pulls him in closer, dark eyes scanning his face.

“What are you keeping from me, Haruki?”

Haruki’s eyes widen as Akihiko’s hand tightens around him.

“Nothing, I-I-“

Akihiko huffs out an angry breath and Haruki half expects him to tighten his grip even more. Instead, Akihiko closes his eyes and takes a step back, releasing his grip as he does so. 

Haruki watches as Akihiko balls his hands into tight fists, keeping his eyes closed and taking deep breaths in and out for several seconds. Once Akihiko has calmed down, his eyes open to meet Haruki’s and Haruki is shocked by the sadness he can see behind them. He almost reaches out, but before he can, Akihiko turns away and begins walking towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“If you have nothing to say, I may as well leave.”

“Wh-What?” Haruki can feel something like panic bubbling up to the surface as he follows after him.

“I came here to talk to you and that’s clearly not going to happen.”

Haruki slams his hand against the door before Akihiko can pull it open. It’s a gesture at best, as Akihiko could absolutely strong arm his way out the door. Akihiko stops and turns to look at him expectantly.

Unfortunately, Haruki has nothing to give him. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say right now,” he admits, grabbing onto the sleeve of Akihiko’s shirt.

Akihiko shakes his head. Reaching up, he brushes a strand of hair behind Haruki’s ear. 

Haruki’s heart stutters at the move, but, instead of resting his hand against Haruki’s face like he usually would, Akihiko’s grip moves down to remove Haruki’s hand from his arm.

He maneuvers Haruki away from the door in an embarrassingly easy display that, if seen from the outside, one would think Haruki hadn’t resisted at all.

“It’s not about what I want you to say,” Akihiko says as he pulls the door open. “It’s about what you need to say.”

He doesn’t wait for his words to start making sense to Haruki before he’s out the door. Haruki doesn’t wait for them to start making sense before he follows him.

“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you about Ugetsu,” he yells at Akihiko’s back as he makes his way down the stairs. “I’m sorry I didn’t say, ‘hey you know that other guy that you’re in love with that you still haven’t told me specifics about? Well he came in for coffee today and I wanted to hide in the back until he left. Because the thought of him seeing me made me want to catch on fire.’ And it felt like if I said anything at all about this thing that we pretty deliberately haven’t been talking about I’d been ruining something.” 

Akihiko stops walking and turns to look back up at him. As soon as their eyes meet Haruki drops his chin, crossing his arms around himself. If he’s going to admit these things, there’s no way he’s doing it while looking at Akihiko’s face.

“And I get why you haven’t wanted to bring him up to me, I do. I know that it wasn’t just a regular breakup, I don’t know any specifics but I know that he is more to you than just an ex. I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding jealous or paranoid or clingy. And maybe I am a little bit. It’s hard not to compare myself to him and notice all the ways I’m lacking. He’s beautiful and interesting and a genius and-and I don’t need to tell you that, you know all those things already and that’s-” 

He has to cut himself off, too ashamed by what he’s already admitted. His face is burning now at the realization that he’s just spilled out all his insecurities in one quick go. He covers his face in his hands, hiding himself in vain. 

He’s too consumed in his own head to notice Akihiko’s approach, and nearly jumps when he feels a hand on his wrist, pulling his hands away from his face.

Akihiko’s face is unreadable when he looks up to meet his eyes. He keeps his hold tight around Haruki’s wrist and uses it to gently tug him around, leading the way back into the apartment.

“Thank you for telling me,” Akihiko says softly, as he closes the door. He walks them to the couch and moves Haruki to sit down, which he does without comment, too confused to put up any resistance. “Now, we can talk.”

Haruki wraps his arms around his middle, watching Akihiko as he sits on the floor in front of him instead of beside him on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, when Akihiko doesn’t say anything else.

“What for?” Akihiko asks, reaching up to rest a hand against Haruki’s knee.

“For...for being weird and jealous about-”

Akihiko cuts him off. “You don’t have to apologize for that. I think being jealous of your boyfriend’s ex is probably normal.”

Haruki tucks his hair behind his ear. “Then…”

“Your self-esteem is my least favorite thing about you,” Akihiko tells him, squeezing the knee beneath his hand.

“Wh-I-” Haruki stutters out, trying to find a response but coming up with nothing.

“If someone as amazing as you thinks so little of himself, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

Haruki’s eyes widen and he quickly turns his face away. 

“Don’t,” he protests, already feeling his heart pick up it’s rhythm within his chest.

“I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you as many times as it takes for you to start believing it yourself. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

There are tears already beginning to well up in his eyes, but he sniffs them back.

“You-thank you, really. But...I’m not just selling myself short,” Haruki insists. “You do still love him, don’t you?”

He holds his breath, after posing a question he already knows the answer to.

Akihiko’s eyes study his face for a long moment, and his other hand snakes around Haruki’s leg to hold his calf.

“It’s a lot more complicated than that, but...yes.”

Knowing the answer ahead of time didn’t do much for preventing the sting in his chest when hearing it out loud. Instead of admitting that though, he just nods his head.

“I’m sorry if that hurts you,” Akihiko says softly. “And I hope it’s not a deal breaker for you. Like I said, it’s more complicated than a yes or no answer. But he was my first and was important to me in more ways than I have words to explain. It was hard, being with him. Even though we loved each other. It was hard for both of us.”

Akihiko moves to sit up on his heels, reaching up to comb the hair out of Haruki’s face.

“I never wanted to keep anything about him from you, I just didn’t know how to say it. It’s not that easy to talk about, but I will tell you everything you want to know.”

Haruki frowns, reaching up to hold Akihiko’s hand against his cheek.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Don’t stay quiet to spare my feelings, but don’t push yourself out of your comfort zone for them either. I knew...when you asked me out, I knew that there was a lot I still didn’t know or understand. And I knew that there was someone else, I didn’t know the extent, but I knew. And I agreed anyway, I agreed to be with you, knowing that these things were there. So, no, it’s not a deal breaker for me.”

Akihiko surges up on his knees and uses his hold on his face to pull Haruki down into a kiss. Haruki moves to wrap his arms around Akihiko’s shoulders, but before he can, Akihiko pulls back, his eyes burning with intent.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Haruki responds, a small smile beginning to form as a warmth spreads through his chest. He tries again to wrap his arms around him but is stopped once again.

“I want you to know that I mean it,” Akihiko says, gripping both of Haruki’s wrists tight in his grasp.

“I-”

“I love you. Not in spite of who you are compared to Ugetsu, not secondary to my love for Ugetsu, not in relation to anyone or anything else. I just love you.”

The tears that have been threatening to fall for the past few minutes finally spill over onto his cheeks, and Haruki would wrap his arms around himself if Akihiko wasn’t holding onto them so tight. He tries to hide his face behind his hair, but Akihiko just bends further to be able to meet his eye.

“I worry that you undervalue your importance to me,” he tells Haruki.

Haruki shakes his head. “I know that you love me, I do.”

“It’s not just that,” Akihiko begins. “You-You’re unbelievably important to me, Haruki. When we first met, you gave me a lifeline out of the toxic spiral I had been living in. You gave me ties to things and people other than him. You gave me a place to stay with no strings attached. You gave me a reason to love music again when I’d forgotten what it felt like. You gave me the motivation to improve my life and find my own self-worth. Even if this doesn’t last, and things between us end, you will always be one of the most important people to me. I need you to understand that. Never doubt how grateful I am to have you in my life, and how happy I am that you let me be in yours, in whatever way you want me to be.”

Haruki isn’t sure if Akihiko is finished with his speech, but he’s unable to hold back any longer and breaks free of the grip around his wrists in order to throw himself fully around Akihiko, who wraps his arms around Haruki as they fall to the ground with an almost violent thud. 

Akihiko doesn’t complain, other than an involuntary grunt at the landing, as Haruki kisses him hard, trying to press every bit of feeling he has inside of himself right now into it.

After a minute, Haruki pulls back to stare down at Akihiko’s dazed eyes with fondness. He’s pretty speechless after Akihiko’s heartfelt words. The only thing he’s able to stutter out, after wiping the rest of his tears away is a soft, “okay.”

Judging by Akihiko’s responding smile, it’s enough.

For the first time, since Ugetsu has started coming to the cafe, he asks for his drink to go.

Haruki quirks an eyebrow at him in question before he begins making his drink.

“I’ve got a busy week,” Ugetsu tells him, nearly laying across the counter in a dramatic show of how tired he already is. 

“Another competition?” Haruki asks.

Ugetsu hums. “It’s the travelling that gets to me. It’s my least favorite part.”

Haruki nods in understanding, before turning to set Ugetsu’s to-go order in front of him.

“Well, good luck. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Ugetsu’s responding smile is big enough to make his eyes squint. 

They wave goodbye as he walks out the door. And Haruki sees Ugetsu take the hand of a man who was waiting for him. 

A moment later, his focus comes back to inside the cafe, when a customer asks him for a refill.

Haruki smiles to himself as he gets to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> To quote myself in my groupchat when I first started thinking about this fic '...I need [to see them interacting and getting along]. I need...haruki seeing Ugetsu as just a person separate from Akihiko and Ugetsu to see Haruki as the sweetheart that he is.'


End file.
